Find Your Pleasure, Find Your Freedom!

Let’s start with sex

I have spent much of my life talking about sex. Some might say I have made a career out of it. As the owner of Wicked Wanda’s, an educator, entertainer, and the woman behind DearMissWanda, I have had the privilege of hearing thousands of stories about sex, love, relationships, bodies, and everything wonderfully complicated in between.

And if there is one thing I’ve learned, it is that we really need to talk about sex more.

Not just the fun stuff, although I am all for that! We need to talk about the uncomfortable stuff too. The pain, the shame, the confusion, the changing bodies, the relationships that work and the ones that leave us wondering what on earth just happened.

Sexual wellness is about so much more than having sex. It’s about having a healthy relationship with yourself, understanding your body (especially your pelvic floor) and giving yourself permission to experience pleasure without judgment.

Because where there is pain, there can also be pleasure. And we need to make room for both conversations.

Figuring out sex meant healing my pelvic floor

Celebrating other women has always been my jam. I love watching women discover their confidence, find their voices, build businesses, embrace their sexuality, and realize that they don’t need anyone’s permission to live a fabulous life.

But I also know how difficult that can be.

We are raised with so many expectations about who we should be, how we should look, how we should behave, and even how we should enjoy sex. We are supposed to be sexy but not too sexual. Confident but not intimidating. Available but not too eager.

Seriously, who wrote these rules?

Trying to understand what gives us pleasure is not easy because it’s never the only thing going on. I was a young mother, raising three daughters while trying to figure out my own life, relationships, and sexuality. I knew what self-pleasure was long before I understood how to communicate my needs to a partner. I spent years wondering why sex could feel wonderful one day and uncomfortable or completely unappealing the next.

Was it me? Was it my partner? Was something wrong with my vagina?

Turns out, our bodies have a lot to say if we are willing to listen.

My own journey in sexual wellness eventually led me to invent Femme Flexor™, a pelvic floor strengthening product born from my curiosity about my own body and a desire to better understand the muscles that play such an important role in our intimate health.

My vagina seemed to have moods of her own, influenced by what was happening in the rest of my body. Sometimes she was happy and ready for adventure. Other times, not so much. And as I moved through motherhood, relationships, aging, and menopause, I began to understand that sexual wellness isn’t something we figure out once and forget about.

It changes as we change.

Explore your floor

We can’t figure out sex without talking about the pelvic floor. Our pelvic floor is an incredible group of muscles supporting our bladder, bowel, and pelvic organs while contributing to sexual function. Yet how many of us really understand it?

The range of issues we can have with our pelvic floors, and the changes they undergo as we move through life, are why education matters in this space. Exploring our floors, understanding how they work, and, yes, sometimes getting the help of a therapist.

We shouldn’t have to wait until something hurts, leaks, or stops feeling good before we learn how our bodies work. Nor should we accept pain during sex as something we simply have to endure.

I like to think of my pelvic floor as a little messenger. Sometimes it tells me everything is going beautifully. Other times, it reminds me to pay attention.

If it’s weak, learn how to strengthen it. If it’s tight, learn how to release it. If it’s uncomfortable, don’t ignore it. And if it’s sad, maybe it’s time to give yourself a little love and attention..

I want women to understand that pleasure is not a luxury. It is part of living a fulfilling life. And pleasure doesn’t always mean an orgasm. Sometimes it means a warm bath, a fabulous meal, dancing in your kitchen, laughing with girlfriends, or feeling completely comfortable in your own skin.

I have reached a point where I realize that life is happening right now. Not someday when everything is perfect, when the kids are grown, when the bills are paid, or when we finally look the way we think we should.

Now. Today. In this body.

Find love in yourself and share it with others. Stop wasting precious time judging the body that has carried you through every triumph, heartbreak, adventure, and disaster.

You only get one body and one life. Get to know it up close and personal.

And remember, taking care of yourself doesn’t always have to be hard work. Sometimes it’s soft and sensational.

So, give yourself a little squeeze, learn when to let go, and make room for more pleasure.

With love and a little wickedness,

Miss Wanda

Get to know your pelvic floor and explore what feels right for you with Femme Flexor.

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